One of the primary secrets to getting the best answers and solutions in your life is to draft the right questions – because you always get an answer to every question you ask. For instance, ask yourself: What is the positive side of my job? The answer that comes to you will give you new power and energy. If you are in the habit, however, of only asking about what is bothering you or what is wrong with your job, then just the opposite will happen. Your answers will come, but they will not be empowering or filled with positive energy … they will be negative and depressing. In both cases, the answers you receive to the questions you just asked will affect how you view your workplace!
Let'’s get just a little more personal. You could ask, “How is my partner unique from anyone else I know? What do I enjoy that he or she gives me – which I cannot give myself or get from anyone else? What does my spouse or “significant other” do for me that makes my heart sing?”
The answer that comes to you is sure to be a positive one. On the other hand, walking down the street and thinking about what you are missing from your relationship will only bring about negative emotions regarding your partner.
One viewpoint gives you pleasure and positive energy, while the other brings only grief, sorrow and a negative outlook on your life. Further, whatever mind-set you wind up in attracts more of the same!
Can you see how much faster your relationship will improve by focusing on the positive and how quickly it will go downhill if you bury yourself in negative details and relive everything you don’t like about it?
All great people know they create their own fate! They have the courage to take responsibility for everything that happens in their lives. They do not criticize others when something goes wrong; they simply find the best and most efficient course of action to correct the situation and learn from the unexpected circumstance they find themselves in.
How do we know that taking responsibility is something all successful people do? Because if they blamed other people or circumstances for their setback or failure – their boss, partner, children, lack of time, the government or others – they would never do anything to improve! Why should they improve, when the blame falls somewhere else?
Instead, they would think that others should improve to make their circumstances and life better. This is a great example of a “lose-lose” situation. Not only does nothing improve, but also in denying responsibility they lose the only opportunity they had to learn from the event to prevent it from repeating itself.
If only the unsuccessful people knew how empowering it is to take responsibility for the events in their lives, how good it feels to create your own fate. Don’t you make the same mistake
The leading psychologists and psychiatrists have found, not surprisingly, that most people, in fact, do not want to change. Not that they resist change or prefer not to change, but rather that they don’t want to change. In fact, most people crave, instead, for comfort and relief. They want to hear that they are not guilty for what is happening to them. They prefer to believe they have no control over the events of their lives, believing instead; there isn’t anything they can do to change them. They want to feel they are not responsible for their current situation or the overall circumstances they find themselves in.
Change demands action, “to get up from the warm bed of habits and commonplace and go towards the unknown,” says DeMello. When you realize your choices and their resulting actions are behind everything that happens to you, you can pose the following question in a positive way and be ready to receive the wisdom of the answer that comes to you. “What happened to produce this unexpected outcome … what can I learn from this and how can I quickly move beyond it?” Not, “Why did this go wrong,” or “Why did I fail?” Focus on what you want to hear for the answer, the solution that will move you forward!
Posing the question properly is the only way you to receive the positive response that allows you to learn, grow and correct the situation. Ask a positive question and you’ll get a positive answer!
How does this contrast to what the average person does?
Average people take responsibility for all the good events that happen to them, but they forget to take responsibility for everything else that did not turn out according to expectations or wasn'’t as successfully planned and carried out. Instead, they blame their worsening financial status on the economy or their boss. If their car breaks down – they blame the dealer that sold it to them or the mechanic that worked on it last.
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